is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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