are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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