dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
