He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
