There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
