Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
