It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it's like iHOP with fire
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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