Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
