My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
