I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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