Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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