This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
