I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
