GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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