After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
