Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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