im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
