if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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