woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Mom said you looked used
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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