At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
