exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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