you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
