her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
