I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
