How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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