The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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