yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
