So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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