would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
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Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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