i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
