meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
