Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
