I wish i was in the wii world.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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