I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just threw up on my dentist
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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