Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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