Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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