There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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