it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
