So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
