Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Four minutes until I can fart!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
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So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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