just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
