Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I love you.
Bad choice
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
