sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
