So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
