Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
