He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
