Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
