ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
worst night to have a conscience
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
