Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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