I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
