She's like a pop up book from hell.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
