My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
