I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
