Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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