I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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