I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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