Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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