YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
