dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
