I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
