Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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