I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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