I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
