the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
