you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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