Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
